In The Blink Of An Eye...

Three months have passed since I started practicing Aikido. I feel...I don't know but I feel a lot of things. My body feels sore but my spirit feels renewed. I feel alive again. You see, I joined the dojo during one of the most trying times in my life. My marriage had just suffered a major setback and I was struggling to pick up the pieces and reconnect with my wife. I needed a change. I found the dojo's website after googling Aikido and the city I live in. A website came up and it all seemed to click for me. The feel of the site and the philosophy of the place seemed exactly what I was looking for. Right away, my fears started speaking up. You are not physically fit to practice ( I am overweight and have burned out on diets and personal trainers), it's expensive, I don't have the time, it's too expensive. I listened to the fear, but I also allowed myself to entertain the notion that I could do this.

Let me get back to the subject of fear for a second. I was a point in my life where fear had taken over my existence. I am convinced that the mistake which brought about my current crisis was the result of me not being able to manage my fears. I felt neither strong nor brave. I chose Aikido not because I want to learn how to conquer other people, but because I want to conquer myself and kick my fears in the ass.

So, here I am at the end of my first three months. I have heard that if I could get over those first three months, the chances of me sticking with Aikido were really good. I want to continue learning and growing. I feel very good at this dojo. I have made some good friends and even though the vibe is martial and respectful, it is also very welcoming and loving. Aikido is full of wonderful contradictions. My body feels stronger and I feel healthier. I miss it when I can't go...I am just loving it, even when most of the time I feel extremely confused and overwhelmed by the techniques. Aikido is teaching me to let go and enjoy the journey towards a better understanding of myself. I feel I am, indeed, on the road to peace.