Forced Hiatus

My fifth month of training and I've been forced to sit it out. A week ago, I attended my first seminar in Austin, Texas. It was a great experience except fo the fact that by the end of the first class (it was a two day event), I had sustained a fractured toe. My uke took ukemi elbow first right on my toe and cracked it. I heard it too. So, no more Aikido for at least four weeks. I'm going to the dojo to watch and it helps me keep my discipline, but I miss being on the mat. On the other hand, if I'm going to break a toe, I'm glad I broke it doing Aikido and not with a stupid coffee table.

Tire Shavings and Other Lessons

Well, I'm back in Miami to finish what we started before Hurricane Ernesto forced us to retreat. I am happy to report that I was pretty anxiety free during yesterday's plane rides. I saw my mother in law yesterday. We hung out and watched a movie. I was very happy to be with her.

The past couple of days have been pretty interesting and fun at the dojo. I have learned a lot, but have hardly done any Aikido. You see, after Saturday's class, Sensei pushed back dojo clean up so we could take a look at what seemed like a defective area on the mat. There were about five students in the class and we all stayed to help. We rolled up the mat's white canvas top to reveal a Hodge podge of different blocks of carpet. Like a massive quilt put together by a mad scientist or a child that has had too much sugar, it was an explosion of color. It was beautiful. I could not help but feel that this multi colored quilt is a manifestation of the child like joy I feel in the dojo. I love the apparent contradiction that a Aikido is practiced in a martial environment, but at the same time have such a joyous spirit pulsating underneath. That is a big part of what makes this dojo special.

Upon closer examination, Sensei determined that we needed to replace an entire sector of the mat with new carpet. Luckily, one of our students had a bunch of carpet left over at her house. Before we knew it, a plan was formed and we went to work. While three of our students went to get the carpet I worked the phones to find a tool rental place as we needed a carpet iron to glue the new pieces of carpet. After leaving everything ready, we decided to call it a day and be back bright and early the next morning to repair the carpet. A few of us went to lunch at a good Thai restaurant where I was schooled on the value of spicy. I stopped at Spicy scale 4, but J was busy with a number 8 (10 being the highest). After a while all I could hear was J sniffling.

The next day, we cut out the defective piece of carpet to expose a black surface. It looked like the grassy stuff one puts on an Easter basket, only black. Turns out they are tire shavings. I can only imagine the time and effort it must have taken them to put all those tire shavings in place and at the correct level. I am very thankful I get to practice here. By working together, we were able to accomplish the repairs in time for the 12:30 PM class. This is worth mentioning because I am by no means a handy man, but everything seemed to flow and we were able to meet our goals with relative ease. I, however, did not stay for the class as I was leaving for Miami and suddenly missed my wife terribly, so I went home. I miss the dojo already. It is fast becoming another extension of what I like to call 'home'.

That Morning After Feeling

I feel great! I finally made it back to class after missing six days in a row. I also missed an important seminar at a neighboring dojo because I was sent to Miami on business. After just a few days there, they sent me back home because Hurricane Ernesto was going to make landfall in Miami...so, no dojo, no seminar, and unfinished business in Miami. I am scheduled to return to Florida this Monday and stay for a whole week but in the meantime, I am able to go back to class.

A senior student taught last night. It was a good class, although I struggled with a bit of stiffness at the beginning. It's amazing what being absent from the dojo for six days will do to my body. I felt my practice to be slower and harder than the last time I attended in which I felt very light on my feet.

Now as I wake up I feel that delicious light soreness and my body feels toned and sharp. I love this feeling.

On a side note...I have always been afraid of flying. Yet, on this last trip to Miami I flew very calmly. There was still a twinge of anxiety on the back of my mind, but overall I was very calm and even managed to enjoy the experience. I meditated when I felt anxiety creeping in, but I mostly spent my time looking at those beautiful cloud formations. Hmmm.

In The Blink Of An Eye...

Three months have passed since I started practicing Aikido. I feel...I don't know but I feel a lot of things. My body feels sore but my spirit feels renewed. I feel alive again. You see, I joined the dojo during one of the most trying times in my life. My marriage had just suffered a major setback and I was struggling to pick up the pieces and reconnect with my wife. I needed a change. I found the dojo's website after googling Aikido and the city I live in. A website came up and it all seemed to click for me. The feel of the site and the philosophy of the place seemed exactly what I was looking for. Right away, my fears started speaking up. You are not physically fit to practice ( I am overweight and have burned out on diets and personal trainers), it's expensive, I don't have the time, it's too expensive. I listened to the fear, but I also allowed myself to entertain the notion that I could do this.

Let me get back to the subject of fear for a second. I was a point in my life where fear had taken over my existence. I am convinced that the mistake which brought about my current crisis was the result of me not being able to manage my fears. I felt neither strong nor brave. I chose Aikido not because I want to learn how to conquer other people, but because I want to conquer myself and kick my fears in the ass.

So, here I am at the end of my first three months. I have heard that if I could get over those first three months, the chances of me sticking with Aikido were really good. I want to continue learning and growing. I feel very good at this dojo. I have made some good friends and even though the vibe is martial and respectful, it is also very welcoming and loving. Aikido is full of wonderful contradictions. My body feels stronger and I feel healthier. I miss it when I can't go...I am just loving it, even when most of the time I feel extremely confused and overwhelmed by the techniques. Aikido is teaching me to let go and enjoy the journey towards a better understanding of myself. I feel I am, indeed, on the road to peace.